Something that is awesome: NaNoWriMo! I shall spend the next 30 days writing 50,000 words. I am a "NaNo rebel" and am not actually writing a novel. In any case, I am very excited about the month ahead! I am taking a break from all things awesome and annoying until December.
Something that is annoying: The word "moist." It makes me want to take a cold shower. Finding that word annoying/disgusting/somehow a little bit wrong seems to be a reaction that is embedded in the collective unconscious, as many people tend to shudder when it is said.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Ciao
Something that is awesome: Curing a hangover with greasy food. You then have to combat the horrible gut rot that comes with eating greasy food, but at least you're cured of that annoying pounding in your head and dull desire to watch Spongebob Squarepants for the next 24 hours.
Something that is annoying: The double goodbye. You've just had a lovely meal/coffee/chance encounter with someone, and you have wrapped up the conversation perfectly. You say your goodbyes and then realize that you are both walking in the same direction. You then have to awkwardly start a new, less interesting conversation for the duration of your walk until you part ways yet again--this time with a much less enthusiastic goodbye. It's like taking a beautifully wrapped present, tearing off the paper and stomping on it, and then re-wrapping it with the torn paper. Not the kind of impression you want to leave someone with.
Something that is annoying: The double goodbye. You've just had a lovely meal/coffee/chance encounter with someone, and you have wrapped up the conversation perfectly. You say your goodbyes and then realize that you are both walking in the same direction. You then have to awkwardly start a new, less interesting conversation for the duration of your walk until you part ways yet again--this time with a much less enthusiastic goodbye. It's like taking a beautifully wrapped present, tearing off the paper and stomping on it, and then re-wrapping it with the torn paper. Not the kind of impression you want to leave someone with.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Lick
Something that is awesome: The phrase "you had to be there." It is fantastic to have a weapon with which to combat the vacant stare one receives after telling a story that is only amusing to the teller. It is an unspoken rule that no one is allowed to question the "you had to be there" disclaimer. That sucker is watertight.
Something that is annoying: When someone is looking at a book that belongs to you and he or she (though, in my experience, it's usually a woman) licks his or her index finger before turning the page. Blech. Just go ahead and lick the whole book while you're at it, because that's what I'm going to envision next time I turn the pages. Better yet, why don't we skip the middle man and I can just put my fingers directly in your mouth.
Something that is annoying: When someone is looking at a book that belongs to you and he or she (though, in my experience, it's usually a woman) licks his or her index finger before turning the page. Blech. Just go ahead and lick the whole book while you're at it, because that's what I'm going to envision next time I turn the pages. Better yet, why don't we skip the middle man and I can just put my fingers directly in your mouth.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Fruit Fly
Something that is awesome: Being a fruit fly. It is one of my greatest joys in life, and I hope to have it engraved on my tombstone.
Something that is annoying: I like activities such as bowling and karaoke to be background noise for drinking. I am horrible at both of these things, and laughing at myself and others while doing shots is part of the fun. However, if you go bowling with a group of people who are a.) good at bowling, b.) take it rather seriously, c.) try to help you improve your form, and d.) (the worst one of all): give you an uplifting cheer after your millionth gutter ball, you might find yourself wanting to grab a dark corner (and a martini glass) to hide in until it's all over.
In other words, don't be a fruit fly on bowling night.
Something that is annoying: I like activities such as bowling and karaoke to be background noise for drinking. I am horrible at both of these things, and laughing at myself and others while doing shots is part of the fun. However, if you go bowling with a group of people who are a.) good at bowling, b.) take it rather seriously, c.) try to help you improve your form, and d.) (the worst one of all): give you an uplifting cheer after your millionth gutter ball, you might find yourself wanting to grab a dark corner (and a martini glass) to hide in until it's all over.
In other words, don't be a fruit fly on bowling night.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Line
Something that is awesome: The Oxford comma. My life makes sense as long as the Oxford comma is in it.
Something that is annoying: I get in the wrong line 100% of the time. Always. I'll sometimes try to trick the Universe and start out in one line before switching to another, only to find that I shouldn't try to mess with the Universe because I always switch into the line where the old woman is paying with pennies or the jock can't figure out how to get his shoes off to get through security. It's just my penance for being an inefficient bank teller in a previous life.
Something that is annoying: I get in the wrong line 100% of the time. Always. I'll sometimes try to trick the Universe and start out in one line before switching to another, only to find that I shouldn't try to mess with the Universe because I always switch into the line where the old woman is paying with pennies or the jock can't figure out how to get his shoes off to get through security. It's just my penance for being an inefficient bank teller in a previous life.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Wet
Something that is awesome: When the word "douchebag" is used to describe a person's behavior and/or personality. Using this word in the non-literal sense is incredibly cathartic.
Example: "She's dating a total douchebag."
Non-example: "Can you pick up a douchebag when you are at the pharmacy?" Gross.
Something that is annoying: When an inhabitant of a crowded urban area carries a ridiculously large umbrella and everyone on the sidewalk has to duck-and-swerve around him/her. Said umbrella carrier is usually seen wearing a smug, self-important expression and is clearly a total douchebag.
Example: "She's dating a total douchebag."
Non-example: "Can you pick up a douchebag when you are at the pharmacy?" Gross.
Something that is annoying: When an inhabitant of a crowded urban area carries a ridiculously large umbrella and everyone on the sidewalk has to duck-and-swerve around him/her. Said umbrella carrier is usually seen wearing a smug, self-important expression and is clearly a total douchebag.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Cocoa
Something that is awesome: Swiss Miss hot cocoa. Nothing says "CONGRATULATIONS! You made it through another hard day. Welcome to your couch and pajamas" quite like Swiss Miss. Add a little peppermint schnapps and you might find yourself humming a jaunty tune.
Something that is annoying: I lack the ability to behave like a normal human being when talking to someone with a lazy eye. I frantically try to make eye contact with both eyes and then worry that I'm making the other person uncomfortable with my crazy darting eyes, so then I zero in on one eye and then worry that I'm staring and calling attention to the fact that HEY! LOOK AT THIS! ONLY ONE EYE WORKS RIGHT!, so then I look down at my feet and then have to ask the person to repeat what he or she just said because I was paying no attention whatsoever.
I find this strange character flaw of mine to be rather annoying.
Something that is annoying: I lack the ability to behave like a normal human being when talking to someone with a lazy eye. I frantically try to make eye contact with both eyes and then worry that I'm making the other person uncomfortable with my crazy darting eyes, so then I zero in on one eye and then worry that I'm staring and calling attention to the fact that HEY! LOOK AT THIS! ONLY ONE EYE WORKS RIGHT!, so then I look down at my feet and then have to ask the person to repeat what he or she just said because I was paying no attention whatsoever.
I find this strange character flaw of mine to be rather annoying.
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