Line

Something that is awesome: The Oxford comma. My life makes sense as long as the Oxford comma is in it.

Something that is annoying: I get in the wrong line 100% of the time. Always. I'll sometimes try to trick the Universe and start out in one line before switching to another, only to find that I shouldn't try to mess with the Universe because I always switch into the line where the old woman is paying with pennies or the jock can't figure out how to get his shoes off to get through security. It's just my penance for being an inefficient bank teller in a previous life.

Wet

Something that is awesome: When the word "douchebag" is used to describe a person's behavior and/or personality. Using this word in the non-literal sense is incredibly cathartic.

Example: "She's dating a total douchebag."
Non-example: "Can you pick up a douchebag when you are at the pharmacy?" Gross.

Something that is annoying: When an inhabitant of a crowded urban area carries a ridiculously large umbrella and everyone on the sidewalk has to duck-and-swerve around him/her. Said umbrella carrier is usually seen wearing a smug, self-important expression and is clearly a total douchebag.

Cocoa

Something that is awesome: Swiss Miss hot cocoa. Nothing says "CONGRATULATIONS! You made it through another hard day. Welcome to your couch and pajamas" quite like Swiss Miss. Add a little peppermint schnapps and you might find yourself humming a jaunty tune.

Something that is annoying: I lack the ability to behave like a normal human being when talking to someone with a lazy eye. I frantically try to make eye contact with both eyes and then worry that I'm making the other person uncomfortable with my crazy darting eyes, so then I zero in on one eye and then worry that I'm staring and calling attention to the fact that HEY! LOOK AT THIS! ONLY ONE EYE WORKS RIGHT!, so then I look down at my feet and then have to ask the person to repeat what he or she just said because I was paying no attention whatsoever.

I find this strange character flaw of mine to be rather annoying.

Dude

Something that is awesome: Weekend breakfast. It is excellent to enjoy a weekend breakfast/brunch with a leisurely cup of coffee. I rarely get to eat breakfast during the week, and if I do it is hastily consumed during my walk to work. My boyfriend takes great pride in creating his weekend masterpieces: perfect fruit salads, eggs, bagels, fresh croissants, French press coffee. Heaven.

Something that is annoying: I overheard this conversation on the T yesterday between two teenage guys:
"Dude, he is NOT happy with you. He is totally pissed off. He sent me, like, a pissed off text yesterday."
"Dude! What did the text say?"
"Dude, I'm not gonna tell you. I'm not gonna tell you. But he is, like, not happy. He is pissed off!"
"Dude! What were the words he used? WHAT DID HE SAY IN HIS TEXT?"
"Dude, I'm not gonna tell you. But he is pissed off."

Horrific memories of middle school came rushing back during this exchange. Clearly guys play the same strange power games that girls do, and guys also love stirring up the drama. The only difference is that they start every sentence with "dude."

Splat

Something that is awesome: Estate jewelry. It's fun buying pieces that are classic and original and were well-loved by their previous owners. I always feel like I'm doing the deceased a favor by pledging to give their jewelry a good home. At least until it ends up in a box at MY estate sale.

Something that is annoying: When someone hocks a big ol' juicy loogey nearby. You can hear the phlegm gathering in the back of that person's throat, followed by the distinctive splashing sound of jettisoned bodily fluids hitting the sidewalk. My gag reflex always dances a little jig when this happens.

Lederhosen

Something that is awesome: In sticking with the theme of finding yodeling awesome I should share that one of my most awesome purchases ever was the "Yodel Bear" I got while traveling in Austria. I should point out the fact that I was a 21-year-old college student at the time and NOT a ten-year-old girl, and I still found him irresistible.




He definitely yodels when you press his stomach.

Something that is annoying: When my neighbors don't bother taking 90 extra seconds to sort their recyclables. They are pretty much telling the planet earth to suck it.

I judge people who don't recycle.

Fall

Something that is awesome: Fall. These are the things I love about fall: pumpkin spice lattes, apple picking, baking apple pie, visiting Salem, reading scary stories, starting another school year, studying fall leaves with kindergarteners, carving pumpkins, sweaters, boots, trench coats, everyone is in tip top shape after working out all summer, gloves, the sound of leaves crunching under your boots.

Something that is annoying: That once a week bus ride wherein a pair of perfectly lovely young Mormon chaps tries to convert me. There must be something about my oh-so-provocative schoolteacher wardrobe that just calls out to them.

Hello?

Something that is awesome: Street fairs. Where else can you find Italian ice, crystals, those hippie knit caps, original art, and whatever the hot new plastic toy might be, all in the same place?

Something that is annoying: When you look through your stats and realize that not even your MOM is reading your blog.

Whine

Something that is awesome: Getting lost and wandering past a clothesline filled with ENORMOUS white granny panties, waving in the wind like surrender flags.

Something that is annoying: This is my initial list of the most annoying female TV characters (the men get their own list):
1. Susan Meyer on Desperate Housewives
2. Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy
3. Carla on Scrubs
4. Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City
It would be awesome if they would all just shut the hell up. On a related note, I think Bella Swan from the Twilight Saga has to be the most annoying literary character ever invented.